Creative Voicemail Messages

Hello. I'm available right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
Hi, this is Bob. If you're part of the problem, hang up now. If you're part of the solution, leave a message.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
We're sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in service...
The number you have reached, 555-555-5555, has been changed. The new number is 555-555-5555. (Yes, same number.) Please make a note of it.
Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message or call me back later.
Hi. I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hello, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
Hi, this is Bob. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
Hello, this is Bob. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?
This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
Please leave your name and a brief message at the tone." It's just a nicer way of saying, "Who are you what do you want with me?"
Hey! You've reached my voicemail, which means I'm not here so when you hear the beep, leave me a message.
Hello. I'm not here right now, so leave a message! Make it short, make it sweet, or I'll have to press delete.

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