Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list and maybe we'll get back to you!Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange...mother...unicorn. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

No! No! Not that! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AHHHHHHH!

This is a test. This is a test of the Voice Mail Broadcasting System. This is only a test.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

Hi! Bob's voicemail is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

Hello... Do you ever get the ones where someone says "Hello!", and there's a long pause, so you think you're talking to an actual person. Then you begin speaking, and after you say about two words you hear, "We can't come to the phone right now." I really hate that!

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

Hi, this is Bob's voicemail. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.

Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

We're sorry..the finger you used to dial is too fat. Please hang up and try your call again.

Hey, it's Bob, sing me your favorite song at the beep!

Hi, this is Bob. Please leave your name and number so I know who I'm ignoring.