I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

Hi there. This is Bob speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your will power and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

I can please only deal with one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

Bob can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some unnamed peril or perhaps taking a nap. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

Hi. This is Bob. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Did you hear the story about the guy who tried calling another person and but all he/she got was this voicemail greeting?

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used against you.

Hi you've reached the rejection hotline and that means you've been rejected by the person you're trying to call. We don't want you, but maybe if you leave a message we might think about returning your call.

Hi, Bob is here but he does not want to talk to you so leave a message.

Hi, you've reached Bob. I can't get to the phone right now so leave me your name and credit card number and I will never call you back.

Sorry I "missed" your call. Actually, when I saw your number, I "accidentally" pressed the ignore button.

Welcome to Bob's voicemail. The first rule of Bob's voicemail is you do not talk about Bob's voicemail. The second rule of Bob's voicemail is you do NOT TALK ABOUT BOB'S VOICEMAIL. Third rule, leave your name and number at the tone. Fourth, wait patiently by your phone; one of us will come to you. And the fifth and final rule of Bob's voicemail: if this is your first time at Bob's voicemail, then you have to leave a message.